bananas

So, the other day, my chinchilla escaped.

Hey where is she going with this?

I had not realized that the door was not shut all the way, and his little (and surprisingly strong) chinchilla face just pushed it open. So, here we are, sitting in bible study and this giant rodent starts bouncing down the hall (and my cat after him). I rush down the hall and shut the door, so he is at least safe in the room. Now, up to this point, apart from some food I’d give him, my chinchilla was a jerk to me and often bit me for no reason. I loved him, but he was a big fat fuzzy gluttonous jerk. So, at this point, he’s bouncing around and I’m just thinking about how he’s going to be so awful to me when I try to rescue him. But then I saw how afraid he was. I, with a help of a friend, picked him up and he was surprisingly calm. I think he realized how much he needed me. It took a terrifying escape and brush with death (via the cat trying to make food of him) for him to realize how much he needed me.

Now get this. 

Aren’t we just like my gluttonous jerky chinchilla sometimes, in our relationship with God?

Like we just chilllin (or chinchillin AM I RIGHT) eating bananas (my chinchillas favorite food just FYI- not really relevant to the point here, but I thought I’d share) and getting dust baths (chinchillas can’t use water to bathe because they will grow mold) and loving life. God’s like here are all these blessings and we just sit back and want nothing to do with him apart from what he can give us. Then, something scary happens, we’re out of our comfortable banana-filled comfort zones, and we panic. We don’t fight God anymore because we realize our need for Him. 

Doesn’t that seem so terribly backwards?

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” – Hebrews 13:8

“But you remain the same, and your years will never end.” – Psalm 102:27

“For I the LORD do not change…” - Malachi 3:6

In other words, just because your situation changes, does not mean God does.

HE NEVER WILL.

This is what we do all the time. We like to add our own little side notes to this verse: 

God is the same yesterday and today and forever*

*with stipulations like when I don’t get exactly what I want or like things are going poorly or like where are my bananas (this is more of a chinchilla problem)

She keeps bringing up that chinchilla thing. It’s getting a little out of hand.

So what does the Bible say about how we should handle these hard times?

“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in ALL circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice.” Philippians 4:4

(Like how often is Paul writing this stuff from prison? Like A LOT. Four of the books of the New Testament were written while Paul was imprisoned in Rome- Philippians, Colossians, Ephesians, Philemon. Think about the implications of that.)

Wait, come again? Rejoice? ALWAYS? In ALL circumstances? 

Exactly.

But what are we rejoicing in? 

Rejoice in THE LORD- it says. (not in our circumstances, not in the temporary) 

HE is our joy.

“For you are our glory and joy.” 1 Thessalonians 2:20

“The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom's voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete.” 
John 3:29

He gave us that joy because He gave us Himself!! 
Our Joy in him is COMPLETE. 
(aka we don’t need bananas to be happy, ya’ll)

Like we get it, you like feeding fruits to your exotic rodents.

So, since we know that God is never changing, never-ending, we know that we can ALWAYS have full and complete joy in the Lord. ALWAYS. 

Now, this does not mean that we are supposed to put on this façade that everything is okay all the time. That will only break you further. 

(the church is much too quick to assume this is some sort of solution)

“We are treated as impostors, and yet are true; 9 as unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and behold, we live; as punished, and yet not killed; 10 as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing everything.” 2 Corinthians 5

Joy and sorrow can coexist (as this verse points out).

It's in that sorrow or those times when we’re scared and escape from our comfy cage, we can know that our joy in Christ is full and complete.

hospital care

I don’t really like hospitals.

“But Heather, you’re a nursing student!”

Sure, but does anyone really enjoy hospitals? The smell, the food (and the smell that accompanies that), the drab colored walls, the lack of any kind of natural lighting, the germs…

I could go on forever.

But these things, silly things like smells and germs and a lack of color, I can look past that. Really, I can. But today, a few things about hospitals that I had never even noticed, hit me like a ton of bricks.

People here are breaking. Physically, mentally, they’re falling apart.

As I sat today by a warm window outside the cafeteria listening to Louis Armstrong on my way-too-big headphones, I noticed a man sitting next to me. He too was seated on a small couch by the window, but instead of the warmness I felt on my face, his face was colored with what I can only describe as brokenness. I felt as though I was watching this man slowly cave in as I sat in my little oblivious world sipping coffee and listening to ‘20s jazz. I had no idea who this man was or what was going on in his life, but I felt as though I should say something or do something.

But instead, I glanced at my watch, concluded that I hadn’t the time and headed on my way back upstairs.

It is not until now, as I am writing this, that I feel terribly convicted. I honestly justified the decision in my head as being inappropriate, that I might scare the man.

Okay, so why did I share this story with you? To scare you all into doing the right thing? Or to make myself feel better? To prove that I was convicted and am not a terrible person?

I pray that this would come off as anything but selfish, but rather me sharing my heart for the people as I saw God teach me a real-life parable in the story of that man.

At the hospital, that man outside the cafeteria and the kids in the cancer ward and the woman suffering from post-partum depression and the man who spends sleepless nights next to his wife as she lays in the hospital bed- they’re all hurting. They’re broken in need of fixing and here, at the hospital, it’s something you see everywhere. It’s easy to see as it usually presents as something quite obvious.

But what about in the real world? In our everyday lives? Isn’t the world filled with people just wandering around aimlessly, leaning on their IV poles, gasping for air, broken, caving in, and hurting trying to find something or someone to fix them? Out in the world, the man in the coffee shop reading the newspaper alone and the girl who sits next to you in your History class and the little boy at church- they’re all hurting. They’re broken in need of fixing.

But this brokenness is something much more severe than the physical, temporary ailments of the people in the hospital.

Ugh, but aren’t we all just too quick to plop on our giant headphones and blast the jazz music and sip coffee and pretend like everything is okay?

I know I am. I know it all too well.

It is time that I get out of my Christian “everything is okay” bubble and with the power of Christ in me, reach out to people who are sick and broken and hurting with the love of Jesus, the great physician.

And when Jesus heard it, he said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.”

[Mark 2:17]

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

[Psalm 147:3]

band-aids for bullet wounds

C.S. Lewis once said:
"God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. 

There is NO SUCH THING."

And yet I still find myself chasing after so many different things and thinking 
"Oh, maybe God wants this for me" (when in actuality I want it for myself) 
I just feel like I'm searching through a box of puzzle pieces to shove into that God sized hole in my heart, constantly jamming different pieces into the emptiness, trying to make them fit. And after each piece has sat there in my empty chest, I can almost feel a physical ache in the pit of my stomach, in the very core of my being that I am in a state of complete and utter despair without my Creator. 

I feel like God is teaching me this lesson every day, hour by hour. 

I way too often find my thoughts consumed with school and friends and social standing and reputation and social media and boys and soon although my facade seems without blemish, I am breaking apart inside, afraid to admit that I don't have it all together.

And that I will never have it all together.
No matter the hours I put in or the goals I set or the dreams I dream, I will never be truly joyful or complete or whole or ANYTHING at all of value in my own strength, in my own power, with my own ideas as to which pieces will fill the void in my chest. 

I cannot trust myself or believe in myself in any capacity. 


"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?"
Jeremiah 17:9

"Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered."
Proverbs 28:26


And yet aren't we such a culture of "Listen to your heart" and "Be yourself." It's plastered everywhere, the sugary sweet words, void of real substance, written across a photograph of a mountain or a sunset or a man running a race. The self-sufficiency of the so-called 'American Dream' makes my heart ache and my stomach turn. People eat it up though. We are all just standing behind our white picket fences with our perfectly groomed dogs and immaculately decorated mailboxes. The driveway is filled with cars that we paid too much for and the landscaping is something out of a magazine.

Now I'm not saying that cars and dogs and mailboxes and white fences are a bad thing in it of themselves, but where are we really finding our identities? What do our hearts truly long for? 

For you, it might not be the car or the nice lawn or the substantial income, but we all have things that we try to shove into the spaces in our chest. For me, it's reputation and guys and friendships and being comfortable and stable (which the Bible NEVER calls us to a life of btw). 

So, here we are trying to find meaning and hope and joy and love in things our sick and weak and broken hearts are not in need of. 

Thanks and all glory be to God, that the story that the Bible tells of our deceitful hearts and complete and utter depravity does not end on such a dark and upsetting note. (When in actuality- it could have because that is what our sinfulness deserves, but that is another talk in itself.) 

God has given us the greatest gift, one that overwhelms and satisfies my soul:
Himself.


"Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread,
    and your labor for that which does not satisfy?
Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good,
    and delight yourselves in rich food."
|| Isaiah 55:2 



"... as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; 
as having nothing, yet possessing EVERYTHING." 

|| 2 Corinthians 6:10 

(Paul says this after talking about the hardships he has gone through and how despite his earthly lack, he has EVERYTHING in Christ.)

So what do we do about this deceitful heart business, when we are looking to everywhere but God to give us life and joy, when we are patching bullet wounds with band-aids?

Proverbs 3 has this to say:

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

and jdo not lean on your own understanding.

6 In all your ways kacknowledge him,

and he lwill make straight your paths.

7 Be not wise in your own eyes;

fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.

8 It will be healing to your flesh

and refreshment to your bones.

               Notice how it doesn't say trust in YOUR heart or DO lean on your own understanding or TRY to be wise in your own eyes. God is not about watered down, sugary sweet "believe in yourself" versions of the gospel. God is in the business of bringing truth and redemption and healing and refreshment to desperate and broken and dying people who did not do anything to deserve it, but who He still loves so very much.

Friends, I care about you all deeply. I know the world is a terrible place of temptation and self-sufficiency but we HAVE to stop looking to things that will not satisfy, stop looking to ourselves to be stronger and do better and be more successful. Press into the character of Christ. He knows what you need. 

Amelia

            There once was a little girl named Amelia who spent her summers in a beautiful cabin on a small inland lake in upper Michigan. One of the things that Amelia loved very much was to collect treasures in a small wooden box that she was given for her birthday when she was still very young and had yet to determine its use. But now that she was a bit older, she discovered that box was quite perfect for storing shells she found on the beach and shiny rocks and fossils of plants and small twigs in various shapes of things that she adored. Her parents thought her silly for collecting what they had deemed useless, but that did not stop Amelia from spending her summer days finding just the right things to put in that box. Some days, Amelia would spend the entirety of the evening on the beach and the forest surrounding the cabin. It would be those days when Amelia had yet to find the perfect treasure for her box and soon it would become quite dark. Amelia, being such a small little girl, should be the sort as to be afraid of the oncoming night. However, Amelia rather fancied that time- almost more than her collection of treasures. The sun would begin to set and Amelia would plop down on a grassy spot right before the sandy beach began. She would watch the colors of the sun dance off the water. It seemed to be a new dance almost every night. Amelia loved the sun so much, but sometimes she would remember how she had not found a treasure that day and would become very sad. She would sort through the rocks and twigs in her box and arrange them on the grass in front of her. The remaining light from the sunset would help her to see as she lined up each thing perfectly so. “What a beautiful collection,” Amelia would say as she stared at them all properly placed. “I did not need a treasure today,” she would pick up a twig or a rock and let it pass through each finger, “look at all the beautiful things I have already!” And she would forget about the sunset. Once the sun had finished its dance, it was far too dark for Amelia to see her treasures anymore. And she would focus her attention on something else she rather adored. Something she loved more than the sunset and almost as much as the treasures in that box. Amelia would lay her head back on the grass and felt the cool blades tickle her ears. She would stare upwards at the great black expanse above her. Now, as you know, Amelia is quite a little girl, but she was not afraid. Soon something would catch her eye- it was the moon, making its way above the trees, a dance much different than the sun’s, but a dance all the same. Amelia’s heart would race as she knew her most favorite part was coming. Soon, and before Amelia could count to ten in her head, the black expanse above her would be covered in a multitude of stars. There would be so many that even an adult much older than Amelia could not count them all. Amelia would take a deep breath and feel as though she was floating through a sea of stars. She felt weightless and breathless and unexplainably happy all at once. But soon Amelia would remember her treasures, how they still lay on the grass, in the open. She, having the silly notions of a little girl, would begin to think that maybe a bear or a large bird or something would come out of the forest and snatch all her treasures away. Amelia would sit up quickly to attend to them. She would then turn on the small flashlight that she carried in a knapsack to the beach every day. She would gather her treasures quickly, place them in the box, and pay no more attention to the blanket of stars above her as she walked back to the cottage, the box tucked under her arm.

            One day, a day very unlike the summer days before it, something unexpected happened. Some may say it was a terrible thing, but people believe that most unexpected things are. Amelia was no longer young enough to be considered a little girl, but she still loved that little wooden box very much. The spaces that twigs and rocks and things once occupied were now taken over by love letters and postcards and pictures of beautiful people that Amelia had met on her many adventures. She loved the things in that box very very much and although Amelia was much older, she still loved summers in the cottage on the lake. One summer day (the day of the unexpected that was mentioned before) it was inexplicably cold.  Amelia and her mother and father decided to go into town to see a movie at the theater. On returning from the theater that evening, they came upon the most unexpected and horrific of sites. The small cabin that Amelia had spent many summers in had caught fire. Amelia’s mother and father had lit a fire because it had been so very cold and they had forgotten to properly extinguish it before they had left for town hours before. But that did not matter now. Amelia did not care how it had happened. She only cared that it was happening. Amelia’s mother and father stood by the car, probably fifty feet from the cabin, in complete and utter shock. Soon, Amelia’s mother crumpled into her husband’s arms and Amelia heard her begin to sob. Amelia saw the smoke billowing high above the trees surrounding the cottage and she immediately thought of her box. Without thinking too much about it, as most girls Amelia’s age tend to do, she ran towards the cabin, hoping to salvage the box that contained all the things she loved so dearly. But it was a foolish idea because the cabin was nothing but a pile of ash and wood and nails. Amelia suddenly became very overwhelmed with emotion. She turned her face away from the cabin and began to run. It was getting dark, but she did not care. She liked the way the cold wind felt on her face as she ran closer and closer to the beach. She plopped down on her favorite piece of grass and cried and cried, her body in a posture of complete and utter defeat. Then, through the blur of tears, she saw something so terribly beautiful, something she had almost forgotten about, something she had not really looked at in years. It was the sun. And it was beginning to set. It was orange and yellow and red and colors that Amelia had never seen before, at least she never remembered them being this bright. She could not take her eyes off the water as the light danced off each part of the lake. Soon the dance concluded, as did the tears, and Amelia lay her head back on the grass. She stretched her arms into the great expanse above her, almost as though she was reaching out for something, as each star (more beautiful than she had ever remembered) poked out all over the sky. Amelia filled her lungs with the cold night air. 

And somehow, 

even though she thought she had been doing it her entire life, 

she felt as though she was breathing for the very first time. 

“I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.” 
- C.S Lewis 

For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

[2 Cor. 4:17-18]

Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.
[Colossians 3:2]

Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, ²⁰ but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. ²¹ For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

[Matthew 6:19-2]

Selfie Sunday

Yesterday, as I made my daily rounds through the world of social media, I came across a picture of a girl I knew fairly well. She had recently changed her profile picture to a picture I rather enjoyed so I clicked the "like" button and continued to scroll. Some time later, when I made my way back to Facebook, I saw that my measly one "like" had increased to more than one hundred on that picture alone.

I clicked back over to my own profile to see the number of likes on my current picture. It was nothing in the shadow of the more than one hundred likes that were still rising on this girl's picture.

I suddenly became angry and sad and upset.

WHY.

WHY DO WE DO THIS.

It comes back to a problem so deeply rooted into our society: a love of self.

I realized as I obsessed over the number of likes on a picture of a friend that I hadn't seen in years, I was feeding the self-love monster that followed me around on every social media site I so frequently attended to. That somehow I was worthy of as many likes because of how great I was and how I deserved them and blah blah blah...

This is going to sound rude and crass and harsh but:
IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU.
IT'S NEVER BEEN ABOUT YOU.
(this is me talking to myself too because this is a daily struggle for me)

And ugh, aren't we just drowning in a society of self love? It honestly breaks my heart daily. It oozes out of every word of our "American dream" style way of speaking.
"You should get the white picket fence and the perfect husband and well-behaved kids because
YOU DESERVE IT."

And get this:
This "you deserve it" attitude has even leaked into popular Christian culture.

Here are the lyrics from a well-known song that is often played on Christian radio:

I’m not just some wandering soul
That you don’t see and you don’t know
Yeah I wanna believe, Jesus help me believe that I
Am someone worth dying for

And so clearly, we see a disregard of the truth of the Gospel. We are NOT worth dying for. We DON'T deserve it, our righteousness as filthy rags, and STILL Jesus died for us? Isn't that all the more beautiful than this poppy, poor attempt at a feel good Christian song? And yet, every day, Christians are turning on the radio and this song is blaring through their speakers instead of songs that declare our brokenness and the overwhelming beauty that "while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation. 
(Romans 5:6-11, ESV)

Doesn't all of this misdirection (so far from scripture) just break your heart? 

It should. 

It breaks my heart as I see girls, myself included, obsessing over self-image. I spend too much time on Twitter and I spend too much time making sure I look cute on Instagram and I spend too much time on Tumblr reblogging photos of cool things so people will think I'm cool and I spend way too much time hoping my Facebook status is funny and profound and witty and just all-around great. 

All this time wasted when there is a Creator God who loves me and who longs to be with me: 

Not because I am worth it, but because HE IS WORTH IT.
Not because I am beautiful in myself, but because HE IS BEAUTIFUL and sees me as beautiful because of the blood of Christ! 

{{Women, if the attention you are getting is something related to your beauty apart from Christ, it is not worth your time anyway. It is He who makes you beautiful. (Attention from the opposite sex that does not see Christ's beauty in you is a waste of time.)


Indeed, I count EVERYTHING as loss because of the surpassing WORTH of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. (Philippians 3:8-11, ESV)


This new year I hope to spend less time on social media consumed with myself and instead, spend time interacting with my Creator and the beauty He has put in the people and the world around me.